Confidence - Where does it come from? How do we lose it? How do we get It back?

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ceri-intro-and-outro_recording-3_2022-10-07--t08-35-23am--62f24825f1f4b50164e72a69--fabfemales: Hello and welcome to episode

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number six of Fabulous and Female.

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I'm Helen Corsi Cador and award winning business mindset and fertility

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coach and a mum to twin girls.

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ceri-intro-and-outro_recording-3_2022-10-07--t08-35-23am--guest775274--jane: And I'm Jane Mack, a visibility coach,

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bestselling author, and mom to two boys.

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And our podcast is about having honest conversations with busy, ambitious

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females, about growing your business to create financial freedom, having a better

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balanced life, and avoiding burnout.

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ceri-intro-and-outro_recording-3_2022-10-07--t08-35-23am--62f24825f1f4b50164e72a69--fabfemales: If you enjoy this episode, please hit the

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subscribe button and leave us a review.

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H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: Hello and welcome to this

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episode of Fabulous and Female.

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Today Jane and I are going to be talking about all things confidence

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and how it can have a huge impact on you, your business, but also most

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importantly, how it can be overcome.

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This is such a big topic, Jane, and.

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It's been a huge part of my life from really, really young, even to this day.

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But I'd just be great to hear from your point of view, you know,

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what sort of things , do you come across in your business and also

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personally to do with confidence dense

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H&J Outro Episode 6 Jane: Yeah, definitely.

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So for me, on a personal side, confidence has been a huge part,

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I'd say even in the last 18 months has been most prevalent really.

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Um, cuz I went from having.

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Bricks and mortar business.

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I had this central office in a location that everyone just walked

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in to see me and asked about my services and it was all very nice.

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And then all of a sudden I was in a business where I

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have to promote myself online.

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and that to me, that was a huge part that confidence to go out and do that.

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And yeah, it's been a bit of a journey to overcome it, you

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know, Definitely has been.

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Even when I speak to people, it's very, there's very lot of similarities.

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People are very similarities in terms of how it's affected them.

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And it's those same fears people have that they just don't feel

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confidence about themselves.

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Um, even you from the deep inset fears, but also.

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Self conscious of really, people are very self-conscious about themselves.

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And obviously social media plays a huge part in that because there's,

Hels: 00:02:03

absolutely

Jane: 00:02:04

there's so many people out there and so many

Jane: 00:02:08

different things you see and videos and you know, if it's not your thing

Jane: 00:02:13

and it's something you're very new to you and you're not confident, then

Jane: 00:02:16

that will just push you back further.

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Cause you just think, Well, I can't do that.

Jane: 00:02:19

I'm not gonna do that.

Jane: 00:02:20

There's no way.

Jane: 00:02:21

You know, look at me, I don't do that.

Jane: 00:02:23

H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: It really does, doesn't it?

Jane: 00:02:24

Just touching on that, you know, social media.

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Is it, you know, the people are portrayed themselves of being really confident

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and that can have a massive impact.

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If you are not feeling confident and you are kind of watching people, they'll come

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across or actually are really confident.

Jane: 00:02:41

And I agree that there's so many similarities across so many different

Jane: 00:02:45

people in all different industries that have the same kind of feeling.

Jane: 00:02:50

H&J Outro Episode 6 Jane: Yeah, absolutely.

Jane: 00:02:51

And I, so many people get that, that I've speak to somebody today about it.

Jane: 00:02:55

Um, and we were talking about different things you worry about and fear about,

Jane: 00:02:58

you know, in terms of your confidence.

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And I listed a number of like five or six different things and I said,

Jane: 00:03:04

Do any of these sound familiar?

Jane: 00:03:05

Said, yes.

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Every single one, Because it's not just one thing, is it?

Jane: 00:03:09

There's loads of things that go into it.

Jane: 00:03:11

It's not just a case of, Oh, I just can't be live on social media.

Jane: 00:03:13

It's not even that, you know, It goes beyond that.

Jane: 00:03:17

, in terms of people, what people think and how they feel.

Jane: 00:03:21

And it, yeah, it can take a bit of work to, to work around it.

Jane: 00:03:26

And there's ways, of course there's space because you've done it and I've done it.

Hels: 00:03:29

Yeah.

Hels: 00:03:29

Well that's a, and that's the thing, isn't it?

Hels: 00:03:31

You know, we've both done it and I think the journeys that we've

Hels: 00:03:34

been on, Individually and together, you know, doing this podcast has

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really had to, you know, push our, our confidence to the next level.

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You know, like we've been very honest.

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We didn't have a bloody clear what we were doing at the start, and

Hels: 00:03:49

we, you know, we're all learning.

Jane: 00:03:51

Yeah.

Jane: 00:03:51

Just as you sense that whole learning piece.

Jane: 00:03:53

Yeah.

Jane: 00:03:54

When you don't have a clue about any of the software, any of the technology,

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And plus even just recording, although you know when you record these and you

Jane: 00:04:02

can, you can edit behind the scenes and you're not gonna be live and you're

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not physically on camera, it still pushes you out your comfort zone.

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To do it.

Jane: 00:04:08

You know, And I think that's a big thing with confidence.

Jane: 00:04:10

You need to be willing to push yourself outside your comfort zone in order to

Jane: 00:04:13

grow that confidence and, and get over it.

Hels: 00:04:15

Yeah.

Jane: 00:04:16

and that, you know, it's a thought sometimes

Jane: 00:04:18

we getting outta that comfort zone that scares a lot of people as well.

Hels: 00:04:20

And that's a massive word isn't it?

Hels: 00:04:23

Scared and like being scared of doing something.

Hels: 00:04:26

And for me, like confidence is, Is much bigger than just being confident in,

Hels: 00:04:33

public speaking or talking on a podcast.

Hels: 00:04:37

It's, it's so much deeper and for me, I think it's, it really is important

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to, to try and go back to the, place or the event or, you know, whatever

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has made you not have the confidence.

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I was actually writing something earlier about, do you remember?

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Ever been like a small child or, or actually think about this way, watching

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small children and thinking they have got so much confidence kids, haven't they?

Hels: 00:05:03

There's no fear.

Hels: 00:05:05

You know?

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Whe when did we decide to put these negative thoughts into our brain?

Hels: 00:05:13

When did we decide to train our brains?

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I think that we've got no confidence.

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You know what?

Hels: 00:05:17

If we could go back to be in that small feel, fearless.

Hels: 00:05:21

You know, and I'm talking like really small.

Hels: 00:05:23

Um, you know, just, just no fear.

Hels: 00:05:26

Um, wouldn't that just be amazing?

Hels: 00:05:28

How would that make you feel if you were that person?

Jane: 00:05:31

Absolutely.

Jane: 00:05:32

I think it's trying to think of how you want to feel with that, it's attaching

Jane: 00:05:34

to those feelings can really help.

Jane: 00:05:36

And having that vision of, this is how I want to feel, this is what I want to

Jane: 00:05:39

be like, this is where I want to go.

Jane: 00:05:40

This is where I want it to be, like in personal and in your business.

Jane: 00:05:44

And it's get trying to get that vision there to get those feelings in.

Jane: 00:05:47

And I know from some people I've spoken to, a lot of things have happened.

Jane: 00:05:50

Maybe always taken as maybe somebody in school said something to.

Hels: 00:05:54

Yeah.

Jane: 00:05:55

one of their first jobs, they were asked

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to do something, a presentation or something that didn't go well and

Jane: 00:05:59

it's kind of knocked and it has this ripple effect now, doesn't it?

Jane: 00:06:02

It just knocks it in to the rest of your progression, your life,

Jane: 00:06:06

your business job, whatever you do to all of a sudden this thing?

Jane: 00:06:08

Oh no.

Jane: 00:06:09

Cuz I remember that time that person totally told me apart for that or that

Jane: 00:06:11

person heckled from the back or that person said, No, I don't want to be me.

Jane: 00:06:15

I don't want to do these things.

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It can just be a small thing,

Hels: 00:06:18

I know

Jane: 00:06:19

for a long.

Hels: 00:06:20

it is.

Hels: 00:06:21

And I think as we're, you know, as we're a lot younger as well, not just younger

Hels: 00:06:25

actually, but, but generally younger, we don't realize what impact that is gonna

Hels: 00:06:29

have on somebody's rest of their life.

Hels: 00:06:33

You know, It's just incredible.

Hels: 00:06:34

I'd just be really interested though, Jane, have you got any specific

Hels: 00:06:38

examples of where you've gone?

Hels: 00:06:41

From having, no confidence in a certain situation to now being as you are.

Jane: 00:06:49

I would say my, my biggest area,

Jane: 00:06:51

I had to grow my confidence.

Jane: 00:06:54

Being visible online.

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That was my, my biggie.

Jane: 00:06:58

So it was because that was now my business basically.

Jane: 00:06:59

And that's the one thing, you know, being confident in front of my

Jane: 00:07:02

friends and everybody, that was fine.

Jane: 00:07:03

I could talk about that, but all of a sudden I had to go out into

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the world of the internet and it can be a little bit scary,

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H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: Big open world of a www

Jane: 00:07:13

the big scary internet and that big scary

Jane: 00:07:16

Instagram live that you have to do.

Hels: 00:07:18

Yeah.

Jane: 00:07:19

and I.

Jane: 00:07:20

You know, I think, well for start you need to, there, there's practice in doing it,

Jane: 00:07:23

but also there's a lot of ways of, um, you know, looking at those negative thoughts,

Jane: 00:07:27

those, those fears and thinking, I need to, you know, I need to change this.

Jane: 00:07:30

I need to change it to a positive.

Jane: 00:07:31

I need to flip this.

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And that's what I've had to do over time.

Jane: 00:07:33

It's just flip those things into something that I feel comfortable

Jane: 00:07:37

about, I feel positive about.

Jane: 00:07:39

I feel motivated about.

Jane: 00:07:40

It's never, ever just one thing there.

Jane: 00:07:42

There's a, you know, there's a selection of things cuz it's not just

Jane: 00:07:44

one sort of fear or, or worry there or, or can't do this because of that.

Jane: 00:07:48

There's usually a selection of things and it's working through those and it's

Jane: 00:07:51

just finding out what are those things.

Jane: 00:07:53

And then how you work through them.

Jane: 00:07:54

So, you know, getting visible was huge for me.

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Um, and you

Hels: 00:07:58

And now look at you, your visibility, Coach

Jane: 00:08:01

I visibility coach and I'm on a

Jane: 00:08:02

podcast, I'm on social medias.

Jane: 00:08:04

Oh my God.

Jane: 00:08:05

I've got, Oh yeah.

Jane: 00:08:06

Do you know, and it's funny cuz if somebody said this to me last year,

Jane: 00:08:09

Although podcasters, in my mind it was like I wouldn't have a clue

Jane: 00:08:14

what to do, where to start, what would I, what would I say to people?

Jane: 00:08:17

What would we talk about?

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I have no idea what I would talk about, but here we are chatting away as

Jane: 00:08:21

always, but that once again, I think as well, you know, I know that confidence

Jane: 00:08:27

for a big part as wealth confidence came from me is when you get that.

Jane: 00:08:31

Fire in your belly as a saying that feeling your gut of something you're

Jane: 00:08:34

really passionate about and that really, really helps knock all those

Jane: 00:08:38

fears out the water and having that passion can really, really push.

Jane: 00:08:42

Because at the end of day's, something you're passionate about,

Jane: 00:08:44

you want to share, you want to talk to people about it, and you've got

Jane: 00:08:47

all this stuff you wanna share.

Jane: 00:08:48

And that's, you know, if anyone I speak to, I focus on that with people say

Jane: 00:08:52

like, you know, what's your passion?

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What's your purpose?

Jane: 00:08:54

Why are you doing this?

Jane: 00:08:55

Get focused on that.

Jane: 00:08:56

Before you start thinking, I need to do alive and I need to do these things.

Jane: 00:09:00

Start where you need to go.

Jane: 00:09:01

Fix that part first and then work on it from there.

Hels: 00:09:06

yeah.

Jane: 00:09:07

what about you?

Jane: 00:09:08

Did you have any specific things of you've had to sort of get confident on?

Hels: 00:09:12

I'm just thinking actually, and it's, it's

Hels: 00:09:14

interesting for me, I think going back.

Hels: 00:09:16

To when I was a lot younger.

Hels: 00:09:18

You know, I'm, I'm six foot tall, right?

Hels: 00:09:20

So people think that I've got all this confidence because I, I'm tall and

Hels: 00:09:26

I can, I can hold myself in a room.

Hels: 00:09:28

Actually, I was so, so, so shy for most of my childhood.

Hels: 00:09:36

You know, I remember, Being in the middle of town.

Hels: 00:09:38

And my, dad had, , met somebody that he knew and he was like, Oh, Helen, this

Hels: 00:09:42

is, I can't remember a bloody name now.

Hels: 00:09:44

Or whatever her name was.

Hels: 00:09:45

And I literally just like, went into myself and I just, I couldn't

Hels: 00:09:50

even look up, I couldn't even speak.

Hels: 00:09:52

I just had nothing, nothing.

Hels: 00:09:55

And I, I don't honestly don't really know where that's come from.

Hels: 00:09:57

So for me, it's, it's the confidence I've, I've had to.

Hels: 00:10:02

Overcome from, from a young age.

Hels: 00:10:04

And I think, cause people around me are really confident and I

Hels: 00:10:11

was kind of like, Well, do you know what, They're all confident.

Hels: 00:10:13

So I don't have to be, So I'll just be my little me in the, in the background.

Hels: 00:10:18

I would say though that the biggest thing for me was leaving my property

Hels: 00:10:25

job to go into starting Tiger.

Hels: 00:10:28

That was one of the biggest confidence learning, learning.

Hels: 00:10:32

I, Why you calling it experiences for me?

Hels: 00:10:34

Because I had to speak to a lot of people that were in my mind, you

Hels: 00:10:41

know, really high on this pedestal of, financial institutions, big companies.

Hels: 00:10:48

And I was like, they're not gonna be interested in little old me a

Hels: 00:10:50

little, well, not a little, a tall Welsh person from, from Carter.

Hels: 00:10:54

You know?

Hels: 00:10:55

And I think that was the biggest thing for me is, is finding.

Hels: 00:10:58

Confidence to believe in myself.

Hels: 00:11:00

Don't get me wrong, I was very lucky.

Hels: 00:11:01

I had a business partner who was extremely confident.

Hels: 00:11:06

So I, I did often being honest, I did often hide behind because

Hels: 00:11:11

it was just easier to let her be the really confident word.

Hels: 00:11:14

I'll be the one that does all the doing.

Hels: 00:11:17

And then when we sold Tiger.

Hels: 00:11:20

I kind of lost all my confidence again because I was like,

Hels: 00:11:23

Right, what am I gonna do now?

Hels: 00:11:25

Who am I is finding myself again?

Hels: 00:11:28

Um, and as you said, going from, you know, bricks and mortar to then

Hels: 00:11:33

an online space, which is already super noisy, and then you are coming

Hels: 00:11:38

into that space, it's like, oh shit.

Hels: 00:11:41

Right?

Hels: 00:11:41

Okay.

Hels: 00:11:42

I've gotta be competed again in so many different aspects.

Hels: 00:11:46

And the one thing I would say though, for me is like, now, It doesn't matter

Hels: 00:11:51

if things go wrong or you mess up when you're talking to somebody who cares.

Hels: 00:11:58

You

Jane: 00:11:59

know that's it.

Jane: 00:12:00

Yeah.

Jane: 00:12:01

It.

Hels: 00:12:01

isn't it?

Jane: 00:12:02

Yeah, totally.

Jane: 00:12:03

And I think when a lot of people worry about things like, you know, I don't

Jane: 00:12:06

like my hair or I'm too old to be doing lives and I don't wear any makeup and

Jane: 00:12:11

I'm self-conscious And actually, as I've said to people, nobody actually cares.

Jane: 00:12:14

Nobody's on there going, Well, I don't know about that person because I mean, she

Jane: 00:12:17

looks at least over whatever, imagine over 50 or, you know, or she looked, and I say

Jane: 00:12:22

over 50 only because the person I spoke to was over 50 when they told me this.

Hels: 00:12:25

yeah.

Hels: 00:12:25

It's so young.

Hels: 00:12:26

50, by the

Jane: 00:12:27

Anyway.

Jane: 00:12:27

And you know when somebody says to you, Oh, why don't you wear a lot of makeup?

Jane: 00:12:30

And what, so what?

Jane: 00:12:32

That doesn't mean to say you're not good at your job.

Jane: 00:12:34

It's not, doesn't mean to say you're not amazing at a service you can

Jane: 00:12:36

provide or a product you produce.

Jane: 00:12:37

It doesn't mean anything.

Jane: 00:12:39

And you know it.

Jane: 00:12:39

She says, Oh, my hair's just like this.

Jane: 00:12:41

I'm like, So what your hairs like that doesn't affect you.

Jane: 00:12:44

The fact is you're being new.

Jane: 00:12:46

It doesn't matter that your hair has up, down, straight, blonde, dark, whatever.

Hels: 00:12:49

if, if only our audience could see us now, like

Hels: 00:12:53

I have literally got no makeup on.

Hels: 00:12:55

My skin is like a teenager at the moment.

Hels: 00:12:58

It's just horrendous.

Hels: 00:12:59

I don't,

Jane: 00:13:04

Well, that's it.

Jane: 00:13:04

You need to be unique.

Jane: 00:13:05

People want to see the uniqueness because, you know, as I say, how boring would it

Jane: 00:13:09

be if we're all exactly the same online?

Jane: 00:13:11

There'd be nothing to look at.

Jane: 00:13:12

You know, And it's like, you've all got your own style and uniqueness.

Jane: 00:13:15

Show it off,

Hels: 00:13:16

Yeah.

Jane: 00:13:17

off.

Jane: 00:13:17

It's, you know,

Hels: 00:13:18

Jane.

Hels: 00:13:18

Yeah.

Jane: 00:13:19

and actually I have, and my front tooth, right?

Jane: 00:13:21

The front bottom tooth, I have a chip tooth, which means it's a different.

Jane: 00:13:26

Of course you can totally see.

Jane: 00:13:26

I see.

Jane: 00:13:27

It's chipped now.

Jane: 00:13:27

I've spoken to people and I've said this, and they're going, I can't even see that.

Jane: 00:13:30

I don't recognize it.

Jane: 00:13:31

Now I see it and I know it.

Jane: 00:13:33

I see it.

Jane: 00:13:33

Every time I do alive, I see this chipped with.

Jane: 00:13:35

I don't care because actually it doesn't affect anything at all.

Jane: 00:13:38

Only me it says it.

Jane: 00:13:39

So once again, nobody even sees it.

Jane: 00:13:41

Nobody knows it's there.

Jane: 00:13:42

It's only me.

Jane: 00:13:43

People don't care.

Hels: 00:13:44

it's getting over that ego as well, isn't it?

Hels: 00:13:46

I think that the ego in us does have a lot to play with confidence as well.

Hels: 00:13:53

Cuz if, if, you know, if there's.

Hels: 00:13:56

An ego in you somewhere that actually I don't look right, I don't feel

Hels: 00:13:59

right, or I'm not looking my best.

Hels: 00:14:01

You know, self-confidence, self-judgment kicks in.

Hels: 00:14:04

That can have a massive impact on confidence.

Hels: 00:14:07

But I, I completely agree with what you said then about just being you, people

Hels: 00:14:12

will really relate to the real you.

Hels: 00:14:15

They'll follow you, you know, if you're on, even if you're not online.

Hels: 00:14:18

You know, if you, if you are.

Hels: 00:14:20

Public speaker.

Hels: 00:14:20

You know, if you are, whatever you do, if you work in, a supermarket, if

Hels: 00:14:25

you, doesn't matter what you do, it's just being the best version of you.

Hels: 00:14:29

And if people, you know, really relate to you and really like you and, and

Hels: 00:14:34

trust you, they're not gonna give.

Hels: 00:14:36

Two shits, what you look like, what you've said, if you've messed up, you know?

Hels: 00:14:42

Um, so yeah, it's, it's a massive topic.

Hels: 00:14:46

If you had somebody come into Jane and, you know, as a visibility coach and

Hels: 00:14:50

said, Oh, I've just got no confidence, what would be your sort of advice or

Hels: 00:14:56

your coaching style to them on that?

Jane: 00:14:58

I would say the first thing we would look at is,

Jane: 00:15:01

you know what, what, as I said before, what is your purpose and your why?

Jane: 00:15:05

You know, what is it you're there?

Jane: 00:15:06

You'll find that passion, um, because once you have that, that can have a

Jane: 00:15:11

knock on effect on everything else.

Jane: 00:15:13

And that's, to me, something, and I know a lot of people struggle working on that.

Jane: 00:15:16

They really struggle.

Jane: 00:15:17

, everyone thinks, Well, I'll do this as a business or this is what

Jane: 00:15:20

I'm doing because that's what I'm expected to do or I've always done.

Jane: 00:15:23

But actually, maybe it's not your passion.

Jane: 00:15:24

Maybe, you know, maybe it's just not.

Jane: 00:15:26

But actually if you sit down and think about it and you know, think of all

Jane: 00:15:29

these different things you do what?

Jane: 00:15:30

And find out what is it you really love doing?

Jane: 00:15:33

What is the one thing that you really love and you're really good

Jane: 00:15:35

at, and you, you feel strongly about, and you know, find that.

Jane: 00:15:39

And then go from there because that's, I think you need to find a start.

Jane: 00:15:42

Just trying to jump in and, and do lives and put yourself out there is really hard.

Jane: 00:15:45

Unless you've really got a right gut feeling in your gut.

Jane: 00:15:48

As I said, I always say, you need to like that fire in your belly to really feel it.

Jane: 00:15:51

And then from there you can look at, okay, this is what I feel.

Jane: 00:15:54

This is my passion.

Jane: 00:15:55

But let me look at what my fears are and then look through those and see,

Jane: 00:15:59

right now I need to look at each one, how to overcome this, you know?

Jane: 00:16:02

And if you've really time with someone, then going back to really

Jane: 00:16:04

bit deeper and find out what is actually the cause of this fear.

Jane: 00:16:07

You keep saying about what is it?

Jane: 00:16:09

And usually, you know, we've said before, it's gonna, it's come from somewhere.

Jane: 00:16:13

you know, years ago and maybe when the child or something that's happened

Jane: 00:16:16

at school or a job or something, somebody said, or something's

Jane: 00:16:18

happened and it's facing that.

Jane: 00:16:20

Um, because as much as you can try and practice and do all these

Jane: 00:16:24

things, you need to tackle that fear.

Jane: 00:16:26

Whatever it is that's holding your back and sort of losing that

Jane: 00:16:29

bit of confidence, that's bit you need to, you need to tackle.

Hels: 00:16:33

Yeah.

Jane: 00:16:34

so yeah, but I'm, I'm very, a very big one for that,

Jane: 00:16:36

that passion and that that purpose

Hels: 00:16:39

Yeah.

Hels: 00:16:39

Getting that fire, isn't it something you love doing?

Hels: 00:16:42

Finding the joy in what you doing every day?

Hels: 00:16:44

And if you, you know, life, life is too short to just do stuff you absolutely

Hels: 00:16:48

hate, or it's not giving you that energy or that passion, you know?

Hels: 00:16:52

So, yeah, that, that's a really good one.

Hels: 00:16:55

Um, for me as well.

Hels: 00:16:56

So if someone comes to me and I get this a lot, especially in business

Hels: 00:17:00

coaching, and fertility stuff as well.

Hels: 00:17:03

It, it does come back to a couple of things.

Hels: 00:17:05

It's like mindset, like you said James as well.

Hels: 00:17:08

It's like, let's look at what's really holding you back.

Hels: 00:17:12

So there's something I've learned that the presenting problem

Hels: 00:17:16

is rarely the real problem.

Hels: 00:17:19

So, you know, if it is, oh, I don't wanna do public speaking.

Hels: 00:17:22

Okay, why don't you wanna do public speaking?

Hels: 00:17:24

What actually is the cause of that?

Hels: 00:17:26

And like you said, often it's from, you know, an event or a trauma or something

Hels: 00:17:30

that's happened to us years ago.

Hels: 00:17:32

So it's going back to that specific event, working on that event, and what impact

Hels: 00:17:39

then will that have and on moving forward.

Hels: 00:17:41

Another thing I, I do is a couple of techniques and these.

Hels: 00:17:46

Some of them are specifically nlp, but it's about focusing or

Hels: 00:17:50

anchoring a, positive previous, event that has happened.

Hels: 00:17:56

And when you feel like you've, you need a boost of confidence, it's

Hels: 00:18:00

going back to that specific state.

Hels: 00:18:02

So say it's about, you know, a remembering a time when you were really,

Hels: 00:18:06

really, really confident in something.

Hels: 00:18:08

It's kind of anchoring or really holding onto that emotion.

Hels: 00:18:13

And then using that in a specific event where you need it.

Hels: 00:18:18

Um, and then there's another one is about visualizing after.

Hels: 00:18:25

The thing that's causing you the problem.

Hels: 00:18:26

So say it is the confidence in, I just, I keep saying public speaking.

Hels: 00:18:30

I don't, no idea why, but if somebody has got a fear of public speaking or

Hels: 00:18:35

be invisible or you know, anything really, it's focusing two 15 minutes

Hels: 00:18:40

after you've done that event and after you absolutely nailed it.

Hels: 00:18:45

I'm focusing on the, the positive of the outcome rather

Hels: 00:18:48

than the what ifs could happen.

Hels: 00:18:50

But there, there's loads to confidence.

Hels: 00:18:52

There's so much, And it is, it is basically isn't, It's finding

Hels: 00:18:55

out what the real problem is and what's really holding you back.

Hels: 00:19:00

Um, I'm looking at us, Well, how do you want to feel, you know?

Hels: 00:19:04

Do you actually really want to be confident in all of these things?

Hels: 00:19:08

Or is it just one aspect of something that you really need to be confident in?

Hels: 00:19:12

Cause we're only human at the end of the day, aren't we?

Hels: 00:19:14

We, you know, we're we, I, I'm gonna say this.

Hels: 00:19:17

I don't feel that we can be confident in everything we do, but if there are

Hels: 00:19:21

specifics you need to work on, then we work on the specifics rather than

Hels: 00:19:26

looking at everything as being this, you know, massive confidence piece.

Jane: 00:19:31

So, yeah, sometimes it's that piece of just stay

Jane: 00:19:33

in your own lane, so, You know, focus on the areas you need to focus on.

Jane: 00:19:37

And so I know it's very easy to be distracted and start looking at everybody

Jane: 00:19:40

else, and, and we have, as business owners, we've all these ideas and I

Jane: 00:19:43

wanna do this and I wanna do that.

Jane: 00:19:46

That you can do them.

Jane: 00:19:47

Sometimes you need to park it for a bit, focus on what you're doing and then as

Jane: 00:19:52

you build your confidence in certain, some areas, then start to move on.

Jane: 00:19:56

You know, work out a bit, a bit.

Jane: 00:19:57

Because otherwise, well also overwhelmed the kicking.

Jane: 00:20:00

If you're trying to do everything at once and you're not confident and

Jane: 00:20:02

you try to fix this, try to fix that.

Jane: 00:20:04

And, you know, I do overwhelm well, but I can overwhelm very easily.

Jane: 00:20:08

Um, , so I do

Hels: 00:20:10

do Jade, but you've got some amazing things

Hels: 00:20:12

now in place to help overwhelm.

Hels: 00:20:15

I definitely will definitely do a talk on overwhelm.

Hels: 00:20:17

Cause that's a, that's a big one for a lot of

Hels: 00:20:19

H&J Outro Episode 6 Jane: That's a big one.

Hels: 00:20:20

Yes.

Hels: 00:20:20

And I, I have walked walk a time on that.

Hels: 00:20:24

and I have, like, I, you know, I, I absolutely have.

Hels: 00:20:27

Yeah, I wonder what impact that has on your confidence as well when you

Hels: 00:20:33

get to that kind of overwhelmed stage.

Hels: 00:20:35

Does it really have an impact?

Jane: 00:20:38

I think it does.

Jane: 00:20:39

I think it does.

Jane: 00:20:39

Definitely.

Jane: 00:20:40

Yeah.

Jane: 00:20:41

I think because when you're in that overwhelmed state, you're trying

Jane: 00:20:43

to do a million things at once, but your and your brain's telling you

Jane: 00:20:46

one thing and your mind's telling you something else and your, your heart's

Jane: 00:20:48

telling you to do something else, and you have a big list of things

Jane: 00:20:51

you can't focus, so there's no focus.

Jane: 00:20:53

And when you're not focused, you, you don't have the

Jane: 00:20:55

energy to do that one thing.

Jane: 00:20:56

So whether it is, whether you needed.

Jane: 00:20:59

I dunno.

Jane: 00:20:59

Maybe you, you need to do a week of lives or you, you've planned this

Jane: 00:21:02

in, but you're all overwhelmed.

Jane: 00:21:04

You can't focus it, you can't just put your mind to do that one thing, Put the

Jane: 00:21:07

energy into it and be really good at it.

Jane: 00:21:09

Cuz otherwise, sometimes I, I know from my point, if I'm overwhelmed,

Jane: 00:21:12

you try to do too much too quickly to get through it, to get it done.

Jane: 00:21:14

And you're not actually giving it your all, You're not actually putting your all

Jane: 00:21:18

into it and doing so rather than doing.

Jane: 00:21:21

10 different things, kinda halfed, you're better doing one or two

Jane: 00:21:25

things fantastically basically.

Jane: 00:21:26

I've learned that.

Jane: 00:21:27

So I need to stop the halfing.

Jane: 00:21:29

H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: Yeah, don't do the halfass.

Jane: 00:21:30

Yeah, let's do a, let's do a full bum.

Jane: 00:21:33

Come on.

Jane: 00:21:33

Let's get a full

Jane: 00:21:34

no half.

Jane: 00:21:37

H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: Full peachy bum only please.

Jane: 00:21:41

Uh, interesting.

Jane: 00:21:42

So with, with, um, just going back to confidence, cause otherwise I know will

Jane: 00:21:46

to start talking about overwhelm bit more.

Jane: 00:21:48

So tell me a time when you were actually really confident.

Jane: 00:21:55

Ooh.

Jane: 00:21:56

Um, really

Jane: 00:21:59

H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: Come on, Miss Mrs.

Jane: 00:22:00

Confident visibility, Coach.

Jane: 00:22:03

It's hard though, isn't

Jane: 00:22:04

it is.

Jane: 00:22:04

Yeah, cuz it's probably different times where I've had times when you think Yeah.

Jane: 00:22:08

Yeah.

Jane: 00:22:10

Do you know, actually probably in the last, and this, see in the last couple

Jane: 00:22:14

of months when I've really niche into the whole visibility, I'd say that's where

Jane: 00:22:20

my confidence has completely boosted big style in the last couple of months.

Jane: 00:22:25

Because that's because the passion and the purposes there,

Hels: 00:22:28

purpose.

Hels: 00:22:28

Exactly.

Hels: 00:22:29

H&J Outro Episode 6 Jane: yeah, that's what I find.

Hels: 00:22:30

And to me, it totally shifted.

Hels: 00:22:33

I'd say the feeling in my gut, the.

Hels: 00:22:36

In my mind and in my mindset, and it totally changed how I look at my business

Hels: 00:22:41

and how I kinda show up and how I, you know, put myself out there to people.

Hels: 00:22:45

Completely changed.

Hels: 00:22:46

Totally different.

Hels: 00:22:48

H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: And I would absolutely back

Hels: 00:22:50

you up on that, cuz you know.

Hels: 00:22:52

I've only known you really for what, a year is it now?

Hels: 00:22:55

Maybe

Jane: 00:22:55

But yeah.

Hels: 00:22:56

Yeah.

Hels: 00:22:56

Maybe even less than a year.

Hels: 00:22:58

Yeah.

Hels: 00:22:58

Give or take.

Hels: 00:22:59

And the difference in you from when I first met you to now is incredible.

Hels: 00:23:06

Incredible.

Hels: 00:23:07

And the Yeah, you completely right.

Hels: 00:23:10

Once you find your passion and your real passion,

Jane: 00:23:13

Mm-hmm.

Hels: 00:23:14

your confidence has just gone up and you

Hels: 00:23:16

know, I, I can definitely see that.

Hels: 00:23:17

And I, I didn't know you were obviously, Pre this, this sort of meeting.

Hels: 00:23:23

Um, but yeah, that you can definitely see it in your,

Hels: 00:23:27

well, just in everything you do.

Hels: 00:23:29

You know, You just, you, yeah.

Hels: 00:23:30

You're just more, you ooze more confidence

Hels: 00:23:33

H&J Outro Episode 6 Jane: ooze confidence, not

Hels: 00:23:34

H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: Do you just ooze it?

Hels: 00:23:38

Yeah.

Hels: 00:23:40

It, you found your, you found your passion, you found someone that you love.

Jane: 00:23:45

I think as well you have that confidence.

Jane: 00:23:46

It brings an energy, An energy, a totally different energy about, Yeah, definitely.

Jane: 00:23:50

Yeah.

Jane: 00:23:51

And what, what, what would you say, what's one of your big confident moments?

Jane: 00:23:54

Share

Jane: 00:23:55

H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: could ask me that.

Jane: 00:23:56

Yeah.

Jane: 00:23:57

I put you on the

Hels: 00:23:57

I know it's really hard though because you think,

Hels: 00:24:02

was I really confident there or did I just get on with it and do it?

Hels: 00:24:05

For me, the real, real confidence for me was when we opened the doors for

Hels: 00:24:15

our first store in Cardiff one Tiger.

Hels: 00:24:19

Because even though.

Hels: 00:24:22

We weren't ready to open.

Hels: 00:24:24

Like, dunno if I share this on the previous, I'm not sure now, but

Hels: 00:24:27

the day we opened, you know, we had people knocking on the window.

Hels: 00:24:30

It was the 1st of December, it was Christmas, and we had all these staff

Hels: 00:24:36

around us, all these people wanted to come in and we weren't ready.

Hels: 00:24:40

We didn't have prices on hardly anything and we just both

Hels: 00:24:43

went, Fuck it, Let's just open.

Hels: 00:24:45

And we felt, or I felt, Content enough to go let all these people come into my life.

Hels: 00:24:52

And I was really proud.

Hels: 00:24:54

And I think that for me is, has a massive impact.

Hels: 00:24:58

If I'm feeling really proud of something, then I really lift my confidence.

Hels: 00:25:03

Yeah, that was probably one of the, the most business related confidence,

Hels: 00:25:08

Um, loads of little personal things.

Hels: 00:25:11

But yeah, that's probably the biggest business.

Jane: 00:25:14

yeah.

Hels: 00:25:15

Oh, it's bringing a little, It's bringing a little,

Hels: 00:25:17

like, you know, a little heat to my heart.

Jane: 00:25:20

Oh, you feeling?

Jane: 00:25:22

I said raise the hair in your arms?

Jane: 00:25:24

Are you

Hels: 00:25:24

Yeah.

Hels: 00:25:26

Oh,

Jane: 00:25:27

I, Val, look, when I look back to when I had

Jane: 00:25:29

my first business and the day, the first days of us starting to work

Jane: 00:25:32

in there, I hadn't a bloody clue what was happening, how I did it.

Jane: 00:25:35

I had no idea what to do, but I don't remember feeling uncomfortable.

Jane: 00:25:38

I just kind went with it.

Jane: 00:25:40

And I remember like owners of the house, the holiday lets you know, they phoned me

Jane: 00:25:44

about stuff and asked me about things and.

Jane: 00:25:46

I had the bloody clue.

Jane: 00:25:48

I was just like, Yeah, fine, you, whatever.

Jane: 00:25:50

I'd come off the phone going, Oh my God, I dunno what to do about this.

Jane: 00:25:52

And it was, you know, you just learnt.

Jane: 00:25:54

You get on with it and you learnt and we just did it and it, you

Jane: 00:25:57

know, yes, it got this stage.

Jane: 00:25:58

Then I, you know, it was like water for ducks back, but at the beginning.

Jane: 00:26:01

But it's funny because back then, I don't know whether it's an age thing as

Jane: 00:26:04

well, It been, you know, sort of, sort of 12 years younger at least, you know,

Jane: 00:26:09

I didn't, I didn't have that same sort of fear factor as such, and I didn't tear, I

Hels: 00:26:13

the young, the younger piece is coming back, isn't it?

Hels: 00:26:16

H&J Outro Episode 6 Jane: uhhuh, didn't you?

Hels: 00:26:17

You're young.

Hels: 00:26:17

You feel more confident about it.

Hels: 00:26:18

And you know, I didn't worry if somebody walked in to asked

Hels: 00:26:20

me a question I didn't know.

Hels: 00:26:21

I just went, Oh, I dunno.

Hels: 00:26:22

Let me come back.

Hels: 00:26:23

You know, I'll, I'll find out for you.

Hels: 00:26:24

I'll come back to you.

Hels: 00:26:25

It didn't, it didn't phase me.

Hels: 00:26:26

It didn't bother me.

Hels: 00:26:27

Whereas, you know, then whereas I have to put my face online, it was

Hels: 00:26:30

like, Oh my God, I have to put my face out there and talk to people.

Hels: 00:26:33

So it's quite just funny that how, whether, you know, it

Hels: 00:26:35

was a different business, it's different, It was face to face.

Hels: 00:26:37

So maybe it was more comfortable than putting yourself live on a

Hels: 00:26:40

camera ride there to the world.

Hels: 00:26:41

You know, It was a one on one conversation.

Hels: 00:26:43

It was an age thing, you know.

Hels: 00:26:45

But, either way I still had to just go with it and learn it and,

Hels: 00:26:49

and follow it and go with it and,

Hels: 00:26:51

Yeah, yeah.

Hels: 00:26:52

Definitely.

Jane: 00:26:53

So just to end this episode, obviously

Jane: 00:26:56

we've had a lovely chat.

Jane: 00:26:58

Confidence and how it affect us and where it can start from and

Jane: 00:27:01

how it changes over the years.

Jane: 00:27:03

Uh, so I really hope that you've gained something from this and that you know

Jane: 00:27:08

that there's so many ways that it can be overcome and it it will be if, if you,

Jane: 00:27:12

if you're willing to take the action, it can be absolutely overcome to do.

Jane: 00:27:16

H&J Outro Episode 6 Hels: Yeah, absolutely can.

Jane: 00:27:18

And you know, we just said a few really small snippets of what we

Jane: 00:27:23

would, what we would advise or coach or, you know, talk to our clients

Jane: 00:27:26

and what we've done personally.

Jane: 00:27:28

, and it is just all about.

Jane: 00:27:31

Learning, You know, there, there's so many elements to confidence.

Jane: 00:27:34

But yeah, I hope you've enjoyed the episode.

Jane: 00:27:36

And as always, please reach out to Jane and I and, as well if you've

Jane: 00:27:41

enjoyed the episode, leave us review.

Jane: 00:27:44

outros-2_recording-9_2022-09-28--t11-00-55am--62f24825f1f4b50164e72a69--fabfemales: We end every episode of the top

Jane: 00:27:45

tip for you and today's top tip is you are the expert of you.

Jane: 00:27:52

outros-2_recording-9_2022-09-28--t11-00-55am--guest775274--jane: And our leaving message to you

Jane: 00:27:53

is always remember to do the one thing that makes you feel fabulous.